I’m having a hard time writing this week. Since committing to rewriting Harvest scenes by hand, I have put off writing the past week. I went six days without writing. I squeezed one page in late one night.
I don’t know what it is. I think it’s not knowing where to go from here. I have ideas for what needs to be changed from the first draft, but I can’t help but feel like I have to color the rewrite within the lines of what’s currently there. I’ve boxed myself in.
I’m stretched thin with work and juggling multiple creative projects at the moment. I have lines to memorize, back-logged pages to write, and gigs to keep myself aware of in hopes of staying active as an improviser/performer. For someone who’s scheduled is always packed, I frequently feel like I’m not doing enough in my fields. I guess I naturally feel like I’m not accomplished if I’m not receiving compensation for my creative endeavors. Then again, that could begin a whole conversation on how we’ve been trained to accept capitalism and money as the core validating factors for a live well lived. In the end, I’m still creating (except for writing this week).
I’m just venting at this point. This post is more to get stuff out that’s been mulling around in my head for the past few days. I feel unmotivated to write. I could have five hours open to me for it and still find a way to avoid it and go to bed late.
For myself, I’m going to make a brief list of reasons I love writing to see if that helps motivate me back into the work:
- I get to immerse myself into a story.
- There’s a magic to it when it feels real.
- I believe story in a universal language. As a writer, I’ll be able to communicate with people long after I’m gone.
- Idyllic writers live in secluded cabins up in the mountains. HELL YES.
- It feels like one of my greater purposes.
- That feeling when a reader loves your work and recalls specific moments years after they read it.
- Writing for the stage/screen is specifically for entertainment. I have as much fun creating the script as I hope the audience experiences while watching the piece.
- I’m an avid fan of cursive.