Today, I don’t know what to talk about. I’m working on three different shows that go up in Chicago within in the next month-and-a-half. Do I wish I was being paid for any of them? Of course, but that day will come soon enough. I’m thankful to be doing it.
I’m realizing that my blog is taking on a self-affirmative tone, which I hope comes across inspirational to those of you also in the thick of things with your own creative endeavors. Today, I thought, why am I doing this? I initially started this post as a letter to my younger self. It started great but then became a virtual patting of my own back. Who wants to read that? Yes, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and how hard I work, but who wants to read paragraphs of that?
Lately, I feel ready. I feel ready to do the work I want to do. I want to immerse myself in a creative learning environment again. I want to sit in on rehearsals to watch and listen an original sketch revue come together. I want to understudy the scenes I watch others play every night. I want to write and create films. I want to finish my novel that’s nearing its end.
I miss feeling rested when I wake up. I fight off frustrations of working hard every day for both pay and artistic pursuits without the two merging. I’m about to turn twenty-four. To me, I feel the clock is ticking too fast and I should be a paid professional in my chosen career already as opposed to a degree away. I feel so close but just far enough away.
I think today is a bump in the road. Things will be fine. They always work out in the end. I’m just in the middle of trudging through the grind. Almost finishing my novel is at least one light I see at the end of the tunnel I’m currently in. I broke 40,000 words this week. I was tempted to post about it on Facebook but chose against it. I instead reveled in the personal validation of the achievement. Lived in it myself rather than letting the number of likes the announcement got determine my pride in it.
These are my raw thoughts this week. This is a part of the creative process. You have personal rough patches. Acknowledge them, feel them, but power through. It will be worth it soon enough. That’s at least my plan/mentality.
I will be taking a nap or lounging in bed tonight, though. Best of luck to everyone out there.